Tough Times
Every relationship goes through good and bad times, easy and tough times. My marriage has been through it all. For the longest time, I thought that the only thing I wanted (or needed) to be happy was to be a stay-at-home mom. Well, I have that and am happy for the most part, but I thought that my stress would go away if I were at home every day. I have sacrificed some things for this new happiness of mine and often think that my husband does not appreciate exactly how much I did sacrifice. I left a company that I had been with for 16 and a half years for my husband, this marriage, and his career.
I now sometimes feel like my husband and I have taken 10 steps backwards financially. I feel like all the hard work that we have both done over the past several years is going down the drain because I am no longer working. All too often, I feel like packing up my kids and moving back to Montana without my husband. When I start to feel this way, I know that I have to take a step back and refocus at least some of my energy on my marriage. I know that my kids are happier when my marriage is happier, so I know that I have to put my marriage first. Of course, my kids are important to me, but my marriage is also important to me. I have to show "my marriage" how important it is to me (just as I have to show my kids how important they are to me), thereby showing my husband exactly what he means to me and how much I love him.
For a long time, I lived in my marriage waiting for him to leave me waiting for him to hurt me like everyone else had hurt me. I think that because every other guy I seriously dated had left me and hurt me, I went through a large portion of my marriage waiting for the other shoe to drop. Those feelings are my insecurities, and they show themselves every time I feel like leaving my husband. Well, I am don't want to wait for the other shoe to drop any more. I want to fight for my marriage.
Marriage is hard work. It has to be nurtured and loved or else it will die and fade away.
posted by Jazzy @ 12:39 PM
6 comments
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6 Comments:
Thank you. I assume this was meant especially for me?
Lisa,
This post was actually not meant for you directly, but if it helps you through a tough time then I am happy for that. I have actually had thoughts of leaving and moving back to Montana with the kids and without B off and on for a few months now. I have not said anything about these feelings to anyone until I mentioned it to my friend from my old work yesterday. It is just more real after you say it to someone other than yourself and is easier to face. I don't want my marriage to die, so I am going to focus on it. By quitting chewing, B has in a way focussed on the marriage. He is not perfect, but I'm not either. I don't expect him to be perfect, and I hope he doesn't expect me to be perfect either.
I was watching a morning news program when a relationship expert was interviewed about marriages. She said that couples should put their marriage first, even above the children. After pondering on this subject and reading your happiness blog entry, I realized that all of the other things that make me happy (like my poetry, drawing, painting, reading etc) would be easier to obtain/achieve by focussing at least some of my energy on my marriage.
Complacency is a dangerous thing. It can bring out anger, resentment, saddness, and disappointment in a person (or a marriage). I realized today that I had become complacent and was feeling all of those negative feelings that can lead to a seperation or even divorce. I am no longer going to be complacent in my marriage. I am going to nuture it and love it, and by doing so, I will be able to seek and achieve other things in my life that make me happy like my poetry (which is coming back, I wrote another new poem today), drawing, painting, reading etc.
Marriages need nurture and attention just as much as people need those things. I would hate for the things that I have been feeling to be felt by anyone else, and I thought that by sharing the realizations that I have had recently, I would prevent others from having to go through what I have been going through.
Oh, gosh, Jazzy I've been married three times. You hit it perfectly on the nailhead,
A good marriage is not easy, it takes hard work.
Girl you are on the right track, don't back down, fight for it. Something this old lady also learned (actually a long time ago) is that we let the romance go out of our marriages. Now, I make it a point to ask my husband out on a date, every so often. I leave him cards, and I even send him flowers, or buy his favorite maltballs once in a while...just because. I never ever want to lose the romance in my marriage again.
Use Lisa's list, but this time make a list of everything you like and love about your husband, and remember why he should be your best friend. If you hold his heart and he holds yours, you guys will be incredibly rich and your children will be happier.
Alright, a new poem tonight. way kewl. :)
You have some great ideas! It is the little things like getting his favorite candy or making his favorite dinner that is what focussing on the marriage is all about.
Yep, I am ready for tonight! My kids were my inspiration for this poem. I just hope everyone likes it.
It won't be easy.....for me anyway. I've got a tough nut to crack. I'm not sure if it'll work. We'll see. I'm really happy for you and your decision to work on and focus on your marriage. I may have to try this too. It's gonna be hard.
I won't tell you what to do. I would encourage you to try. Who knows, maybe if he sees you focus on the marriage, he will too. Even the toughest nut can be cracked with a lot of work!
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